*Well that was much longer writing hiatus than I’d intended to take. It turns out finding time to sit down at the computer (my preferred my to write) is pretty damn difficult with two babies that pretty much want to be held or nursed 24/7. I’ve been writing this same post for literally 5 weeks now, lol. Every time I sit down to write, I get about a paragraph done before I have to pick a baby back up; so I’ve resigned to posting from my phone for now, even though that doesn’t feel like ‘writing’ to me, for some reason. But at least I’ll be able to start blogging again, even if it is one handed.*
Those last few weeks of pregnancy were a bit stressful, and exhausting, and I genuinely couldn’t being myself to sit down and commit to writing anything here. Which is ridiculous since I know that writing or talking always help with things I’m feeling anxious about; but I also tend to withdraw and become a bit reclusive when I’m suffering from anxiety, which is the opposite of helpful.
But yes! The babies are here! All is well, and we’re all safe and sound… and I’ll save the details of their very eventful entry into our lives for a separate post.
So, those last two weeks of my twin pregnancy. Those were a doozy. Sleep was incredibly evasive, I had seemingly constant acid reflux, and everything started to swell. Just as I’d guessed in my last post, every week (heck, every day) was somehow harder and more uncomfortable than the one before.
Plus I started having stretch and sweeps shortly after my last post. And holy forking shirtballs that first one hurt SO badly. That day I was seeing one of the secondary doctors at the practice who didn’t know me as well, so maybe she didn’t know my history well enough to know that I’d never had one in my first pregnancy, but whether she’d known or not most doctors with a good bedside manner generally give you a bit of warning before they put an entire hand inside you. I didn’t get a warning, and she was not gentle. Granted I was only 1/2 a centimeter dilated, so it couldn’t have been easy, but the 3 other sweeps (oh yes, I had FOUR sweeps done… most people need one or maybe two) I had were not nearly as painful, and each time I was given a much better heads up of when they were starting and what they were doing. My beloved Dr. Pakenham even managed to hold my hand to during one when Adam couldn’t be there.
At that 36 week appointment the doctor I saw also pushed me into scheduling an induction for 38 weeks on the dot because she’d be on call, despite the fact that we’d all previously agreed that the best chance I had at a vbac involved me going into labour on my own. AND she warned me that some of the doctors at the hospital don’t agree with inducing VBAC patients, so I might have to advocate for myself during the pregnancy-induction the night before since it would be a different doctor on call. I was plenty ready to stand up for what I wanted if I needed to once labour began, but really? Right from the get-go, even though this had been my and my doctors’ plan right from the beginning?? But she was being a bit pushy, so we put it on the books with the knowledge that we could cancel any time if I changed my mind.
Which was about 15 minutes later. It took no time at all once we got in the car to decide that it wasn’t a plan I was comfortable with at all! Never mind that up until that appointment, an induction wasn’t even something we’d really discussed (apparently no one expected the tiny lady with twins to actually make it to 38 weeks, go figure), I really wanted Dr. P to be there when I delivered if at all possible. Thankfully at my next appointment a few days later I was able to go over it with her, and we decided that while yes, me going into labor naturally was the best option, I was starting to get really stressed about the possibility of another doctor potentially being on call when I showed up. Some doctors just aren’t comfortable with VBACs, and not all of them have twin experience obviously. So because of that, my gestational diabetes, and the amount of pain I was starting to feel every day just from carrying these babies around (plus the fact that baby B was still a fair amount bigger than baby A), we scheduled my induction for the day I’d be 38w2d pregnant. I’d go in that night to start the induction, and then go back the next day to deliver when Dr. Pakenham was on call. Or at least that was the plan.
Today may be the day I give up wearing shirts around the house. Having anything touch the skin around my belly button is SO painful, and it’s not as though any of my shirts cover my stomach anyway at this point. I’m officially too big to wear any of the maternity clothes I wore at the end of my first pregnancy (actually as far as pants go, I just wore my regular high-waisted Lululemons right until the end… the thought of trying to pull those up over my belly is laughable this time), and it doesn’t seem to make sense to buy anything new, so I’m making due with the three maternity tees I bought from The Gap a few months ago (I’m a huge fan of their Blackout maternity leggings, and Pure Body maternity tees), and those I save for doctors appointments and trips to the grocery store. I do have a few dressier tops that still fit, but they aren’t really necessary or appropriate for my current sedentary lifestyle.
How I’m pretty much guaranteed to look if you pop by unannounced.
Omg the belly button pain. It actually feels like my skin might just rip right open if it has to stretch out any further. And yes I’ve been putting on lotion several times a day for about 6 months now, and I also drink a literal gallon of water everyday. I’m sitting with an icepack on it right now, and that feels freaking wonderful, but I don’t think it’s a viable long term solution.
Aaaand Luna just stole my ice pack because apparently her belly hurts too. She’s been mimicking the pregnancy a lot the past few days, which has been adorable. Until now. Now she’s the only thing standing between me and some semblance of comfort. Now I’d rather her go back to wanting nothing to do with my belly and complaining that it’s in her way.
I took it back and she’s crying real tears because “her belly with her babies needs it”, and apparently our smaller ice pack just won’t do. So that’s how my night’s going.
The pretending to be pregnant has been really sweet though. Yesterday she put her Anna and Elsa dolls in her shirt and held and rubbed her ‘belly’ all night, while explaining to her other toys that she’d be having two babies soon. She refused to change out of her shirt at bedtime because then her babies would “fall out” and they “weren’t ready to be borned” yet.
Shortly after this her babies started ‘hatching’ which led to a whole other conversation.
Now she says she needs my ice pack for her foot which has magically gotten hurt while sitting on the couch with me. Not a chance, kiddo.
Yesterday I finally got around to having my maternity pictures done with the incredibly talented Vicki at Centreline Design, and I can’t recommend her enough! She made me feel completely comfortable, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Vicki edited and posted a couple of images for me last night, and oh my goodness I love them! I didn’t have any professional pictures taken when I was expecting Lu, and I always regretted it. I love the way I look when I’m pregnant; I feel so much more confident and beautiful in such a natural way. I will wear things and post pictures of myself when very pregnant that I’d never dream of wearing or posting when I’m just my normal self. I also don’t have to think about sucking in my stomach, or planning my outfits to hide my self perceived imperfections, which is so freeing. This whole experience has just flown by, and I’m so happy I’ll have these pictures to look back on in the future.
And holy crap am I glad we did it yesterday and not a moment later. Today has been rough Everything is getting harder. You should probably expect me to say that again. And again. I keep thinking I’ve hit the wall with this pregnancy, and then the universe laughs and says “you know nothing Jon Snow” and it gets worse. Kind of like that time I thought I was so ready to get pregnant again and add another kid to our family. After all, my first pregnancy was relatively easy and I really enjoyed it. And our first kid was such a gem! So well behaved, and clever, surely we knew what we were doing, having one more would be a piece of cake. And the universe laughed, and laughed…
There’s the stretching of the skin of course, but in addition to my belly being extra sensitive, it’s also growing so quickly that I don’t have a handle on how far it sticks out so I keep bumping into the corners of tables and counter tops, and knocking my kid in the wall. Seriously, that last one has happened twice this week. I’ve got a mystery scratch on one side that’s so deep it was bleeding, but I can only see it in the mirror so I have no idea which collision it came from. The babies movements are starting to hurt, which really sucks. I’m not sure if it’s because my uterus is over-stretched and tender, or because they’re running out of space, or if it’s just par for the course when there are two whole other human beings living inside of you. I’m actually happy now that their placentas are across the front, I can’t imagine how much more I’d be feeling if there wasn’t that extra barrier between them and my skin.
Somebody stretching themselves out. My belly stayed like this for a good 10 minutes before mystery baby went back to their normal spot and my belly went back to it’s regular shape.
I’m also having painful contractions throughout the day and night, which puts me on edge every time because is labour starting? Do I need to start timing? Where’s my phone? Why won’t the timing app open? Never mind, my belly isn’t even hard. Then why does it hurt? Is it placental abruption? Never mind, now it’s all tense. Shit, maybe I should have timed it.
I’ve given up calling them Braxton Hicks, because these are for real. The pain wraps around to my back, and I’m still getting stabby pains in my cervix that take my breath away. It’s definitely something, just not labour quite yet.
But it could be! Because we have officially beat the odds! As I’ve said a dozen times already, I’m sure, 50% of twins are born before 36 weeks, and we hit that milestone today!! If I can keep these babies gestating for another 6 days, they won’t even be considered premature anymore, which would be so amazing. Even if they were to come in the next few days there’s a real chance that they could room-in with me at the hospital and that we could all come home together, with no NICU stay or time away from each other.
This week our Dr. will check to see if I’ve started dilating at all, and if I have, they’ll start doing cervical sweeps (where they try to gently separate baby A’s amniotic sac from my cervix, which can kick start the hormones needed to get labour going). I’ve heard it’s painful, and it won’t do anything if my body isn’t ready to go into labour, but my doctors and I agree that anything we can do to get me to go into labour naturally is worth it. Since our ultimate goal is a VBAC, the fewer induction methods we rely on, the better, since they tend to have a snowball effect.
For instance if I need Pitocin to get contractions started, then I’ll have to wear a heart rate monitor for each baby during my entire labour. This would limit my freedom of movement, and would mean more nurses coming in and out to fix the monitors when they eventually shift. Pitocin also throws you straight into intense, painful contractions without the gradual build up you have with naturally occurring labour. This leads to a higher rate of epidural use, and can cause the babies’ heart rates to drop. All of these things increase the chances of needing a c-section.
But. Regardless of how labour ends up going down, I feel so much more prepared for every outcome this time. I’ll do everything within my power to deliver these babies naturally, and I will be really upset if that doesn’t happen because I’m not planning on having any more children… but at least this time I know what to expect with a c-section, and the policies at the Peterborough hospital are so much better. When Luna was born I didn’t get to hold her until she was two hours old. With the twins I can hold them as soon as I’m closed up, and Adam will be waiting with them in the next room. The nurses will help me to nurse them immediately, whereas with Luna it was over 3 hours before that became a priority, and by then she was too drowsy to latch. I’ll also have access to lactation consultants in the hospital who have experience with multiples and who will make sure I’m comfortable with nursing both babies before I’m discharged.
And the babies are doing so, so well. At our last ultrasound they were estimated at 4lbs 14oz (baby A), and 5lbs 8oz (baby B), which a full pound of growth each in two weeks and the perfect amount for each of them. This week they should be around 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 pounds respectively, and we’ve seen them practicing their breathing, sucking, and swallowing skills which are three of the main things they need to be able to do at birth. The only other thing is being able to keep their body temperatures and blood sugar levels regulated on their own, and their weights suggest that shouldn’t be a problem.
So I’m worried, and I’m anxious, and I’m afraid of what labour will be like. I’m terrified that my postpartum depression will come back, and oh my god I am so scared about Luna feeling left out or unimportant in any way… but I’m also excited. I am so damn excited to meet these two little souls that have been growing inside of me. To see what colour their eyes are, and let them hold my finger with their whole hand; to sing to them and hope they recognize my lullabies; to hold them on my chest while they sleep, and smell that delicious new baby smell.
There are two people about to be on this earth who only exist because Adam and I love each other, and wanted to add another awesome little being to our family.
And also because we drank a lot of beer during the World Cup semi-finals while we were in England, and were somehow given a two-for-one special when I distinctly remember only requesting the one healthy baby.
Ah, Christmastime. A time of year to get together with friends and family, for exchanging gifts and eating copious amounts of food, to watch your zombie child zone out on the couch for hours at a time while her fever and cough make it impossible for her to enjoy opening her presents… Or was that just us?
No, I know it wasn’t because across my social media I saw post after post of people staying away from family functions, or postponing Christmas for few days until their family was healthy again. Unfortunately with our work schedules, Adam and I can’t postpone anything, ever, or we’ll probably never get to do it.
Luna developed a fever on the 20th but she didn’t have any other symptoms, so I was really hoping it was an ear infection or a UTI that could be easily fixed with some antibiotics, and that wouldn’t be contagious. No such luck. 3 hours at the ER got us a super helpful diagnosis of “mystery virus”, and a warning to watch for signs it was moving into her chest since there had been a couple of kids diagnosed with Pneumonia lately. Greeeeeaaaaaaat.
On the 22nd I was scheduled to sing in a fundraising concert for the Academy Theatre (the company I perform with, Triple Threat Theatre, has now raised over $100,000 for the Academy!), and Luna was meant to watch with my mom and stepdad and then sleep over at their place so Adam and I could go to a friend’s birthday party and then have a much needed sleep-in. Instead we made a late-night McDonald’s trip as a family, and we all stayed in an attempt contain our germs.
The concert went fabulously and, thanks be to the Universe, I still fit into the cocktail dress that I bought over a month ago. I did have one terrifying moment when I was getting dressed where I thought to wasn’t going to happen (and whhyyyyyy did I not try it on earlier in the week just in case?!), but it zipped! I was also super thankful to find out that we’d be sitting at tables with table cloths on stage instead of just in chairs like we normally do, because there is a 0% chance I could have sat like a lady with my knees together for 45 minutes. I also managed not to cry, which was impressive since I sang a song about being pregnant. Emotions and hormones be damned, I managed to kept it together; even with Luna beaming up at me from the front row. Let’s be real. I totally ignored her until I was done, or it would have all been over.
It was super special for me to get to perform while pregnant. When I did Annie in the summer I was only about 7 weeks along so I just felt tired, not really pregnant, and we didn’t even know it was twins yet. It was really cool to sit up on the stage and feel them kicking while my friend’s sang, and I’m happy that I have at least a few pictures of me all dressed up with my big belly. There is exactly one picture of my mom when she was pregnant with me (I mean, it was a different time obviously, everything is so over documented now), and you can’t even tell in the photo, but I cherish it anyway. I’m glad these babies will get to see some pictures and videos from this time in our journey together.
My Triple Threat peeps. My favourite people to perform with.My best friend Cory and I. Plus babies.
On the 23rd Luna developed a cough that just got progressively worse until Boxing Day. She did a pretty good job on Christmas Eve at my mom’s; her cough was pretty bad, and she didn’t have much of an appetite, but she was in good spirits and her fever was gone. Until we got home. We (I) baked two batches of my Grandma’s thumbprint shortbread cookies, while Adam wrapped presents, and she was barely awake by the time we were putting out the milk and cookies for Santa. She fell asleep in about 30 seconds, so that was probably the easiest Xmas Eve bedtime we’ll ever have. The downside of course is that her fever was back by morning, and my poor little birdie wasn’t able to muster up much excitement for her presents. In hindsight, maybe we should have saved some presents for another day.
Thumbprint cookies! My first time making them without adult supervision, and I didn’t totally fork them up!
Probably the biggest smile she gave us all day.Zombie Baby waiting for Daddy to bring her another present.
She and Adam stayed home from Christmas at my aunt’s, and that sucked a lot. I hated not being with them on Christmas, but if I’m being completely honest it was nice to be able to hang out with all my cousins (who I don’t get to see as often as I’d like) without having to be a parent at the same time. That probably sounds awful, but I think fellow parents will get it. Ad brought Luna out for the last hour of the visit, which was probably another mistake, looking back. She was a like a little zombie. I opened her presents for her because she just sat there looking at them, and then she snuggled, half asleep, on the couch with my sister until we left.
Boxing Day was Adam’s turn to was up super sick, which was suuuuuper convenient given that we were hosting his family for dinner and presents. He managed to get the table set, and he did a fantastic job on the turkey and mash, but then he tapped out. Poor guy was just not functioning at all. I took over and did a good chunk of the dinner on my own, including making gravy from scratch for the first time! I was pretty damn proud of myself! It all turned out really well (it not a touch too salty, but that’s how I tend to like things), and the gravy was forking awesome.
Playing ‘guess the food’ with Uncle Ben
Sooooo flattering. I mentioned how much I liked my gravy, right?
Lu got a sweet haul. She got all the PJ Mask characters, their vehicles, and their head quarters, twin baby dolls, 3 different board games, a light bright, 50 mini Hatchimals (not exaggerating) and a play/hatching station for them, 2 of the big Hatchimals (another set of twins), and 4 Fingerlings. Just ridiculous. That’s not everything by any means, just the main presents, and we still have another Christmas to do with my dad, stepmom, and stepsister tomorrow. The kid might have a rude awakening next year when she’s not the only grandkid/niece for people to spoil. Thank goodness the twins will be born in the Spring, far away from her October birthdays so that can still be just hers.
Adam and I agreed to tone things down gift-wise this year, but he still managed to get me two of the main things I wanted, bluetooth headphones, and a bluetooth speaker for the shower. I like to listen to podcasts while I shower and get ready, and I suspect I was running low on luck in the “put my phone in a ziplock bag and bring it right in the shower with me” department. Yes, I did that. A lot. Please don’t tell Adam. I do too take care of my things! His main present from me was a crocheted blanket I’ve been promising him for almost 6 years. I didn’t think he’d be so excited about it after all this time, but he loves it. I love giving handmade things when they’re well received; sometimes people don’t understand how much time and effort goes into something like that.
Adam and his blanket.I told Adam we had bows, but I was wrong, so I had to improvise.Twin Hatchimals on Christmas Eve.Twin babies. Lu shows a real preference for the ‘sister baby’, which is only slightly concerning.
Normally I’m all about being lazy and leaving the Christmas tree up until the needles start to drop, but nesting has been hitting me hard and I want to set up alllll the baby things! I mentioned wanting to take the tree down on New Year’s Day so we could set up the twins’ play pen in it’s place, and Adam looked at me like I’d suggested we go on a jog just for the fun of it. Apparently setting up things like that a good 14 weeks from my due date sounds a bit ridiculous to non-pregnant people. He did agree that we can set up our bedroom and get the crib put together next week though! That soothed me a bit. I also plan to get my hospital bag and Luna’s go-bag mostly packed next week, and once that’s done I’m going to bring all the newborn clothes up from the basement to clean and sort so I know what we really need.
Now. What do we think the odds are that I’ll actually do all of that? Because goodness knows I like making the lists better than I like actually doing the things on the lists. Doing things means I need to leave this very comfy corner of the couch. We’ll see.
Happy viability week to you all!! 24 weeks is a very special milestone for twin pregnancies. It marks the point that if you were to go into labour and give birth, the hospital would automatically do everything they could to save the babies. Every intervention possible would be used, because at this point the babies lungs have probably matured enough to breathe with assistance. Of course this same milestone holds true for singleton pregnancies, but since twins tend to be born early (more than 50% are born by 36 weeks), pre-term labour is a very real possibility and any signs of it are taken extra seriously.
I should say though, my OB is not at all worried about it. Thankfully we already know that I can carry a single baby all the way to 41 weeks without any signs of labour (Luna wasn’t considered to be in a safe position for delivery, so my c-section was hastily scheduled before my water could break), and since I haven’t had any complications or interventions so far, all signs point toward me being able to carry these babies long enough for a good outcome. What a detached, cold way to talk about it all… I guess using more specific or human terms would seem a bit morbid and jarring though.
The next big milestone will be 28 weeks, which has a much higher survival rate, then 32 weeks. At that point I could safely deliver in Peterborough, instead of being sent to Toronto, and while the babies would undoubtedly have a long NICU stay, at least we’d be close to home. My ultimate goal is to make it to 38 weeks, which is considered full term for twins. Heck, if I can make it to 39 weeks I’ll be the unicorn of twin pregnancy. If I can make it that far, and these babies have red hair? Psh, that would be like finding a magical field of four leaf clovers, while riding a unicorn. Except in my previous analogy, I was the unicorn… the babies are officially eating my brain cells. Whatever. You know what I mean.
We had an ultrasound last week to check on the babies’ growth, and they’re doing great! Baby A was measuring at 22 weeks 4 days and 1.2 lbs, and Baby B at 23 weeks 6 days and 1.6 lbs. All perfectly average and on track with their growth charts. Their combined length is almost a full 2 feet, and they should be gaining up to a 1/2 pound a week until they’re born… at which point they’ll explode from my belly like the creatures in the Alien movies. I mean, probably not. But it does feel like my stomach couldn’t possibly stretch much bigger. They’re laying in a ying-yang formation; A is head down, B is breech, and they’re facing each other. During the scan Baby B was pretty intent in getting all up in Baby A’s personal space, so it will be interesting to see if that’s a common theme once they’re born. The ultrasound tech said that the membrane between them is so thin that it would feel like touching someone through a plastic bag. So I guess I wasn’t that far off when I said it felt like they were having a dance party the other night, they really can feel one another and are interacting already. Freaking amaze-balls. My body is indeed a wonderland.
And speaking of my body, holy hell is it being pushed to it’s limits right now. Last week I was having some sudden, sharp pain, and ended up spending the night in the hospital for monitoring (everything was alright in the end, except for getting a really horrible night’s sleep and losing a day of work). I’ve had a cold for what feels like two months now, and since my ligaments are already so stretched out from everything progressing so quickly, every time I coughed I was essentially pulling a muscle. Ouch. Very, very ouch. So I’m really looking forward to having some time off over Christmas and then reduced hours in January. No more moving gymnastics equipment or lifting limp-spaghetti-limbed 5 year olds for me.
Because!! This is my last week of full time work!! After the holidays I’ll keep my regular hours at the store and the dance studio, but I’ll only be coaching my competitive classes at the gym, which gives me three extra days to sleep in!! I can’t seem to fall into a deep sleep until after 3-4am, so I’m hoping that a few extra hours of sleep in the mornings will do good things for my mental health and my immune system. All the props to Adam to getting Luna ready for school and on the bus 4 days a week, because I have a hard time falling back asleep after getting up. He on the other hand has recently mastered the art of the early afternoon nap. That and he’s just way better at getting her up and going than I am. His school lunches are the perfect balance of healthy foods and homemade treats (made by him of course, I do not bake), and his little girl hairdos are almost as good as mine now. If men were able to get pregnant, I have no doubt he’d excel at that too; the man is just so naturally good at every aspect of fatherhood and being a partner. Last night after his soccer practice he went to two different drive throughs to bring me the perfect snack (jr. bacon cheeseburger from Wendy’s, and fries + McChicken sauce from McDonald’s, obviously), and I didn’t even ask him to. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.
One thing I keep saying is that I feel so much more pregnant than I am… but then again, I am so much more pregnant than I am. I knew being pregnant with twins meant my belly would get bigger, faster, but I definitely hadn’t expected it to be this ridiculous. At 21 weeks I am now the same size I was at 31 weeks with Luna. I’ve been reading that twin pregnancies tend to measure 6-7 weeks ahead, but 10? 10?! That seems a little extreme. I’m starting to get really worried about how big I’ll be in the end. It’s not like my stomach is my favourite feature by any means, I only actually wear bikinis when I’m pregnant, and most of my normal wardrobe involves tight pants and flowy tops to disguise my belly. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about getting insane stretch marks or having a bunch of excess skin left behind after I lose the baby weight.
It does make sense though. Luna was 21.5 inches at birth, and the twins are measuring around 10 inches each… so as far as length goes I’ve got the equivalent of a full size baby in there. Here’s where I’d insert the wide eyed emoji if that were an option. They could each still double in length!! My own torso is normally only 10 inches tall, so I guess it’s no wonder my belly feels like it’s exploding. A parent at the gymnastics club today said, “You don’t have long to go now!” not knowing I’m having twins, so I feel like that will be a common comment I start getting now. I can’t imagine the things I’ll hear when I’m actually getting close to term!
I’m feeling a ton more movement this time around than I did with Luna, which I love. These babies both have an anterior placenta (across the front of my uterus, instead of at the top or along the back which is more common) like Lu did, so I was worried I wouldn’t feel them much but at this point in my pregnancy with her I was still only feeling her move occasionally and certainly not big kicks. These babies on the other hand seem to be having a nightly dance party; I can even see some of their kicks from the outside now. Apparently from around the 14 week mark, 50% of their activity will be in relation to each other, whether that’s them getting kicked by their womb mate and rolling over to get away, or actual interaction I don’t know. At my 16 week ultrasound I got to see Baby A repeatedly kick Baby B in the head though, which was kind of hilarious.
I’m finally getting my appetite back which is a relief. For a couple of months I haven’t really had any feelings of hunger, just a pain in my stomach signalling the start of heartburn and reminding me to eat. The past week or two though I’ve had cravings for sushi, grilled cheese sandwiches, candy cane ice cream, and I’ve actually had to slow myself down in the snack department couple of nights. I’m up 13lbs, which is apparently on the low side of things for twins at this point. I gained way too much weight in my last month with Luna and it was really hard to lose, so I’m making a serious effort to get the extra calories I need from healthier foods this time (although now that my local Arby’s and Taco Bell have both closed, that should be a bit easier). I was originally worried about gaining the 8lbs recommended during week 20-28 (that magic number has a correlation to a lower chance of pre-term birth, 30% lower!) but now I don’t think that’ll be a problem, lol.
How is it possible that I’m already more than halfway through this pregnancy?! It doesn’t feel like that long ago we found out there was an extra baby taking up space in my uterus, explaining why I was already showing at 8 weeks pregnant. At 21 weeks along, I only have 17 weeks left to go… if I make it that far.
Part of the reason I wanted to start this blog is that I am an avid researcher. If I have an important decision to make, or an event coming up, I am sure to fall into a black hole of internet opinions and get stuck in there for days. When I was pregnant with Luna I spent months glued to my laptop, reading birth stories, looking for registry suggestions, and copying hospital bag checklists and birth plan templates. I had 4 different pregnancy apps on my phone that I checked daily, and Adam and I looked forward to watching a new “What to Expect” video each week. When I found out I was pregnant in July the only disappointment I had was that I’d already done all the research. We had an infant carseat, two strollers, a Bumbo, a crib, and enough gender neutral baby pyjamas to get us started. We already knew we’d bed-share at some point, that I’d breastfeed as long as I could, and that we’d use baby led weaning when the time came. We knew which daycare waiting list we’d apply for, and how I’d manage going back to work with a baby in tow. There was nothing to look up! The only topic I had to learn more about was the VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) I wanted to have, and I’d pretty much exhausted all those resources after a couple of weeks. Then… ta-da! Twins! For my next trick I’d be giving birth to two babies instead of one, and I thought, amazing! Finally something new to read about and obsess over!! Except there’s not all that much to read about having twins. Most sites and apps have some info about multiples, but it’s sparing and you can tell that the majority of it wasn’t written by anyone who’s actually experienced it. There’s a lot of “you’ll probably have a few extra Dr visits”, “you’ll have to gain a bit more weight and you may be a bit more uncomfortable”, “your pregnancy symptoms may be a little more severe”, and my personal favourite: an article called “How having twins is actually easier than having one baby!” Bahahhahaha. Go home, internet, you’re drunk.
So I wanted to start documenting. The pregnancy, the birth, infancy, balancing a kindergartener’s needs on top of two new babies, all of it. What I’ve found most helpful are people’s first hand accounts (especially those who already had one or more pregnancies to compare it to) and I won’t be holding back on the details, so if reading the words ‘vaginal birth’, ‘cervix’, or ‘breastmilk’ make you uncomfortable, or you’re not up for an honest account of the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood then this may not be the blog for you. Which, I mean you probably figured out by now, but fair warning and all that.
I didn’t keep track of much during my last pregnancy, and it was 4 years ago so some of the details are a bit fuzzy, but there are already some definite differences between this time and last
Last time: I had the standard pregnancy nausea for the first 14 weeks or so, but it was more like all day car sickness that could usually be kept at bay with a pocketful of Ritz crackers, and (for some reason) frozen mango. I lost 10lbs in the 1st trimester. This time: The ‘morning sickness’ hit around 9 weeks and had me throwing up several times a day until 16 weeks. My usual snacks and ginger tea did nothing to help. Somehow my weight stayed put though.
Last time: I had three ultrasounds by the halfway point; the first two at 5 and 7 weeks because I was spotting and cramping, which thankfully was because of a large ovarian cyst and not anything pregnancy related. The third was the standard 19 week anatomy scan to check out all the internal organs, spine, etc, and to look for any birth defects. This time: I’ve had five ultrasounds already; one just to confirm that all was well at 8 weeks (and also when we got the whole ‘two baby combo package’ news), one at 10 weeks to check on a sub-chorionic hematoma on baby B’s placenta (a small bleed that usually resolves on it’s own and is pretty common, especially with twins), one at 14 weeks to give us the odds of the babies having Downs Syndrome or a life threatening genetic condition like a Trisomy (when there are three sets of a chromosome present instead of the normal two), another at 16 weeks because I was having stomach pain so bad that I thought it could be my appendix (diagnosis: making space for two babies to grow in your abdomen when you’re only 5ft. tall is fucking painful), and then of course the 19 week anatomy scan.
Last time: I was exhausted of course, especially in the first trimester, but since it was just me and Adam I could really just sleep whenever I wanted and when I wasn’t at work I was either in bed or on the couch with my trusty crackers and bowl of frozen mango. This time: Even though Adam is doing at least 90% of everything around the house, and I’ve already cut back a bit at work I am SO tired. Like, fall-asleep-on-the-hardwood-floor-while-doing-a-craft tired. That’s getting a bit better now that I’m in the second trimester, but I do get winded really easily and I find myself out of breath several times a day.
Last time: I worked full time until 36 weeks, and I only stopped then because it was the start of a new session and it didn’t make sense for me to take on a bunch of classes that someone else would have to take over when I had the baby. This time: I’ll work full time between my three jobs until Christmas break, and then I’ll be cutting 10.5 hours out of my gymnastics schedule. It’s already getting hard to work with the toddler groups I coach, especially lifting them, and by Saturday afternoon I’m usually in a lot of pain. I’ll be totally done working at the end of January when I hit 31 weeks, and I won’t lie, I’m counting down the days.
TLDR: Growing two babies instead of one is no joke. I’m lucky to be having a complication-free pregnancy so far, but even then it’s so much freaking harder than I could have expected.
From Three to Five 