Author: kaylanjlb

Oh, hey! I'm Kaylan, mom to Luna (4), and partner to Adam. Technically we're engaged, but I don't like using the term 'fiancé', especially since we don't have any plans to actually tie the knot any time soon, and 'boyfriend' doesn't quite cut it when you share a life, a cat, several children, and an insurance policy with someone. I'm also pregnant with twins who should be making their appearance mid-to-late March 2019. When I'm not on the couch watching TV and trying to distinguish which baby is kicking me in the bladder, I coach competitive gymnastics, teach musical theatre classes, and work once a week at a woman's clothing boutique. And apparently I write a blog now!

Christmas 2018: The One Where Everybody Got Sick

Ah, Christmastime. A time of year to get together with friends and family, for exchanging gifts and eating copious amounts of food, to watch your zombie child zone out on the couch for hours at a time while her fever and cough make it impossible for her to enjoy opening her presents… Or was that just us?

No, I know it wasn’t because across my social media I saw post after post of people staying away from family functions, or postponing Christmas for few days until their family was healthy again. Unfortunately with our work schedules, Adam and I can’t postpone anything, ever, or we’ll probably never get to do it.

Luna developed a fever on the 20th but she didn’t have any other symptoms, so I was really hoping it was an ear infection or a UTI that could be easily fixed with some antibiotics, and that wouldn’t be contagious. No such luck. 3 hours at the ER got us a super helpful diagnosis of “mystery virus”, and a warning to watch for signs it was moving into her chest since there had been a couple of kids diagnosed with Pneumonia lately. Greeeeeaaaaaaat.

On the 22nd I was scheduled to sing in a fundraising concert for the Academy Theatre (the company I perform with, Triple Threat Theatre, has now raised over $100,000 for the Academy!), and Luna was meant to watch with my mom and stepdad and then sleep over at their place so Adam and I could go to a friend’s birthday party and then have a much needed sleep-in. Instead we made a late-night McDonald’s trip as a family, and we all stayed in an attempt contain our germs.

The concert went fabulously and, thanks be to the Universe, I still fit into the cocktail dress that I bought over a month ago. I did have one terrifying moment when I was getting dressed where I thought to wasn’t going to happen (and whhyyyyyy did I not try it on earlier in the week just in case?!), but it zipped! I was also super thankful to find out that we’d be sitting at tables with table cloths on stage instead of just in chairs like we normally do, because there is a 0% chance I could have sat like a lady with my knees together for 45 minutes. I also managed not to cry, which was impressive since I sang a song about being pregnant. Emotions and hormones be damned, I managed to kept it together; even with Luna beaming up at me from the front row. Let’s be real. I totally ignored her until I was done, or it would have all been over.

It was super special for me to get to perform while pregnant. When I did Annie in the summer I was only about 7 weeks along so I just felt tired, not really pregnant, and we didn’t even know it was twins yet. It was really cool to sit up on the stage and feel them kicking while my friend’s sang, and I’m happy that I have at least a few pictures of me all dressed up with my big belly. There is exactly one picture of my mom when she was pregnant with me (I mean, it was a different time obviously, everything is so over documented now), and you can’t even tell in the photo, but I cherish it anyway. I’m glad these babies will get to see some pictures and videos from this time in our journey together.

Splendour group — My Triple Threat peeps. My favourite people to perform with.

K and Cory — My best friend Cory and I. Plus babies.

On the 23rd Luna developed a cough that just got progressively worse until Boxing Day. She did a pretty good job on Christmas Eve at my mom’s; her cough was pretty bad, and she didn’t have much of an appetite, but she was in good spirits and her fever was gone. Until we got home. We (I) baked two batches of my Grandma’s thumbprint shortbread cookies, while Adam wrapped presents, and she was barely awake by the time we were putting out the milk and cookies for Santa. She fell asleep in about 30 seconds, so that was probably the easiest Xmas Eve bedtime we’ll ever have. The downside of course is that her fever was back by morning, and my poor little birdie wasn’t able to muster up much excitement for her presents. In hindsight, maybe we should have saved some presents for another day.

thumbprints — Thumbprint cookies! My first time making them without adult supervision, and I didn’t totally fork them up!

Luna Adam — Probably the biggest smile she gave us all day.

Zombie baby — Zombie Baby waiting for Daddy to bring her another present.

She and Adam stayed home from Christmas at my aunt’s, and that sucked a lot. I hated not being with them on Christmas, but if I’m being completely honest it was nice to be able to hang out with all my cousins (who I don’t get to see as often as I’d like) without having to be a parent at the same time. That probably sounds awful, but I think fellow parents will get it. Ad brought Luna out for the last hour of the visit, which was probably another mistake, looking back. She was a like a little zombie. I opened her presents for her because she just sat there looking at them, and then she snuggled, half asleep, on the couch with my sister until we left.

Boxing Day was Adam’s turn to was up super sick, which was suuuuuper convenient given that we were hosting his family for dinner and presents. He managed to get the table set, and he did a fantastic job on the turkey and mash, but then he tapped out. Poor guy was just not functioning at all. I took over and did a good chunk of the dinner on my own, including making gravy from scratch for the first time! I was pretty damn proud of myself! It all turned out really well (it not a touch too salty, but that’s how I tend to like things), and the gravy was forking awesome.

Mystery food — Playing ‘guess the food’ with Uncle Ben

Luna Ben

K gravy — Sooooo flattering. I mentioned how much I liked my gravy, right?

Lu got a sweet haul. She got all the PJ Mask characters, their vehicles, and their head quarters, twin baby dolls, 3 different board games, a light bright, 50 mini Hatchimals (not exaggerating) and a play/hatching station for them, 2 of the big Hatchimals (another set of twins), and 4 Fingerlings. Just ridiculous. That’s not everything by any means, just the main presents, and we still have another Christmas to do with my dad, stepmom, and stepsister tomorrow. The kid might have a rude awakening next year when she’s not the only grandkid/niece for people to spoil. Thank goodness the twins will be born in the Spring, far away from her October birthdays so that can still be just hers.

Adam and I agreed to tone things down gift-wise this year, but he still managed to get me two of the main things I wanted, bluetooth headphones, and a bluetooth speaker for the shower. I like to listen to podcasts while I shower and get ready, and I suspect I was running low on luck in the “put my phone in a ziplock bag and bring it right in the shower with me” department. Yes, I did that. A lot. Please don’t tell Adam. I do too take care of my things! His main present from me was a crocheted blanket I’ve been promising him for almost 6 years. I didn’t think he’d be so excited about it after all this time, but he loves it. I love giving handmade things when they’re well received; sometimes people don’t understand how much time and effort goes into something like that.

globe and bow — I told Adam we had bows, but I was wrong, so I had to improvise.

Lu and hatchimals — Twin Hatchimals on Christmas Eve.

Luna & twin dolls 2

Normally I’m all about being lazy and leaving the Christmas tree up until the needles start to drop, but nesting has been hitting me hard and I want to set up alllll the baby things! I mentioned wanting to take the tree down on New Year’s Day so we could set up the twins’ play pen in it’s place, and Adam looked at me like I’d suggested we go on a jog just for the fun of it. Apparently setting up things like that a good 14 weeks from my due date sounds a bit ridiculous to non-pregnant people. He did agree that we can set up our bedroom and get the crib put together next week though! That soothed me a bit. I also plan to get my hospital bag and Luna’s go-bag mostly packed next week, and once that’s done I’m going to bring all the newborn clothes up from the basement to clean and sort so I know what we really need.

Now. What do we think the odds are that I’ll actually do all of that? Because goodness knows I like making the lists better than I like actually doing the things on the lists. Doing things means I need to leave this very comfy corner of the couch. We’ll see.

24 Weeks

Happy viability week to you all!! 24 weeks is a very special milestone for twin pregnancies. It marks the point that if you were to go into labour and give birth, the hospital would automatically do everything they could to save the babies. Every intervention possible would be used, because at this point the babies lungs have probably matured enough to breathe with assistance. Of course this same milestone holds true for singleton pregnancies, but since twins tend to be born early (more than 50% are born by 36 weeks), pre-term labour is a very real possibility and any signs of it are taken extra seriously.

I should say though, my OB is not at all worried about it. Thankfully we already know that I can carry a single baby all the way to 41 weeks without any signs of labour (Luna wasn’t considered to be in a safe position for delivery, so my c-section was hastily scheduled before my water could break), and since I haven’t had any complications or interventions so far, all signs point toward me being able to carry these babies long enough for a good outcome. What a detached, cold way to talk about it all… I guess using more specific or human terms would seem a bit morbid and jarring though.

The next big milestone will be 28 weeks, which has a much higher survival rate, then 32 weeks. At that point I could safely deliver in Peterborough, instead of being sent to Toronto, and while the babies would undoubtedly have a long NICU stay, at least we’d be close to home. My ultimate goal is to make it to 38 weeks, which is considered full term for twins. Heck, if I can make it to 39 weeks I’ll be the unicorn of twin pregnancy. If I can make it that far, and these babies have red hair? Psh, that would be like finding a magical field of four leaf clovers, while riding a unicorn. Except in my previous analogy, I was the unicorn… the babies are officially eating my brain cells. Whatever. You know what I mean.

We had an ultrasound last week to check on the babies’ growth, and they’re doing great! Baby A was measuring at 22 weeks 4 days and 1.2 lbs, and Baby B at 23 weeks 6 days and 1.6 lbs. All perfectly average and on track with their growth charts. Their combined length is almost a full 2 feet, and they should be gaining up to a 1/2 pound a week until they’re born… at which point they’ll explode from my belly like the creatures in the Alien movies. I mean, probably not. But it does feel like my stomach couldn’t possibly stretch much bigger. They’re laying in a ying-yang formation; A is head down, B is breech, and they’re facing each other. During the scan Baby B was pretty intent in getting all up in Baby A’s personal space, so it will be interesting to see if that’s a common theme once they’re born. The ultrasound tech said that the membrane between them is so thin that it would feel like touching someone through a plastic bag. So I guess I wasn’t that far off when I said it felt like they were having a dance party the other night, they really can feel one another and are interacting already. Freaking amaze-balls. My body is indeed a wonderland.

And speaking of my body, holy hell is it being pushed to it’s limits right now. Last week I was having some sudden, sharp pain, and ended up spending the night in the hospital for monitoring (everything was alright in the end, except for getting a really horrible night’s sleep and losing a day of work). I’ve had a cold for what feels like two months now, and since my ligaments are already so stretched out from everything progressing so quickly, every time I coughed I was essentially pulling a muscle. Ouch. Very, very ouch. So I’m really looking forward to having some time off over Christmas and then reduced hours in January. No more moving gymnastics equipment or lifting limp-spaghetti-limbed 5 year olds for me.

Because!! This is my last week of full time work!! After the holidays I’ll keep my regular hours at the store and the dance studio, but I’ll only be coaching my competitive classes at the gym, which gives me three extra days to sleep in!! I can’t seem to fall into a deep sleep until after 3-4am, so I’m hoping that a few extra hours of sleep in the mornings will do good things for my mental health and my immune system. All the props to Adam to getting Luna ready for school and on the bus 4 days a week, because I have a hard time falling back asleep after getting up. He on the other hand has recently mastered the art of the early afternoon nap. That and he’s just way better at getting her up and going than I am. His school lunches are the perfect balance of healthy foods and homemade treats (made by him of course, I do not bake), and his little girl hairdos are almost as good as mine now. If men were able to get pregnant, I have no doubt he’d excel at that too; the man is just so naturally good at every aspect of fatherhood and being a partner. Last night after his soccer practice he went to two different drive throughs to bring me the perfect snack (jr. bacon cheeseburger from Wendy’s, and fries + McChicken sauce from McDonald’s, obviously), and I didn’t even ask him to. If that’s not true love, I don’t know what is.

21 Weeks

One thing I keep saying is that I feel so much more pregnant than I am… but then again, I am so much more pregnant than I am. I knew being pregnant with twins meant my belly would get bigger, faster, but I definitely hadn’t expected it to be this ridiculous. At 21 weeks I am now the same size I was at 31 weeks with Luna. I’ve been reading that twin pregnancies tend to measure 6-7 weeks ahead, but 10? 10?! That seems a little extreme. I’m starting to get really worried about how big I’ll be in the end. It’s not like my stomach is my favourite feature by any means, I only actually wear bikinis when I’m pregnant, and most of my normal wardrobe involves tight pants and flowy tops to disguise my belly. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about getting insane stretch marks or having a bunch of excess skin left behind after I lose the baby weight.

31Luna:21Twins (1)

31Luna:21Twins (2)

It does make sense though. Luna was 21.5 inches at birth, and the twins are measuring around 10 inches each… so as far as length goes I’ve got the equivalent of a full size baby in there. Here’s where I’d insert the wide eyed emoji if that were an option. They could each still double in length!! My own torso is normally only 10 inches tall, so I guess it’s no wonder my belly feels like it’s exploding. A parent at the gymnastics club today said, “You don’t have long to go now!” not knowing I’m having twins, so I feel like that will be a common comment I start getting now. I can’t imagine the things I’ll hear when I’m actually getting close to term!

I’m feeling a ton more movement this time around than I did with Luna, which I love. These babies both have an anterior placenta (across the front of my uterus, instead of at the top or along the back which is more common) like Lu did, so I was worried I wouldn’t feel them much but at this point in my pregnancy with her I was still only feeling her move occasionally and certainly not big kicks. These babies on the other hand seem to be having a nightly dance party; I can even see some of their kicks from the outside now. Apparently from around the 14 week mark, 50% of their activity will be in relation to each other, whether that’s them getting kicked by their womb mate and rolling over to get away, or actual interaction I don’t know. At my 16 week ultrasound I got to see Baby A repeatedly kick Baby B in the head though, which was kind of hilarious.

I’m finally getting my appetite back which is a relief. For a couple of months I haven’t really had any feelings of hunger, just a pain in my stomach signalling the start of heartburn and reminding me to eat. The past week or two though I’ve had cravings for sushi, grilled cheese sandwiches, candy cane ice cream, and I’ve actually had to slow myself down in the snack department couple of nights. I’m up 13lbs, which is apparently on the low side of things for twins at this point. I gained way too much weight in my last month with Luna and it was really hard to lose, so I’m making a serious effort to get the extra calories I need from healthier foods this time (although now that my local Arby’s and Taco Bell have both closed, that should be a bit easier). I was originally worried about gaining the 8lbs recommended during week 20-28 (that magic number has a correlation to a lower chance of pre-term birth, 30% lower!) but now I don’t think that’ll be a problem, lol.

Last time vs. This time

How is it possible that I’m already more than halfway through this pregnancy?! It doesn’t feel like that long ago we found out there was an extra baby taking up space in my uterus, explaining why I was already showing at 8 weeks pregnant. At 21 weeks along, I only have 17 weeks left to go… if I make it that far.

Part of the reason I wanted to start this blog is that I am an avid researcher. If I have an important decision to make, or an event coming up, I am sure to fall into a black hole of internet opinions and get stuck in there for days. When I was pregnant with Luna I spent months glued to my laptop, reading birth stories, looking for registry suggestions, and copying hospital bag checklists and birth plan templates. I had 4 different pregnancy apps on my phone that I checked daily, and Adam and I looked forward to watching a new “What to Expect” video each week. When I found out I was pregnant in July the only disappointment I had was that I’d already done all the research. We had an infant carseat, two strollers, a Bumbo, a crib, and enough gender neutral baby pyjamas to get us started. We already knew we’d bed-share at some point, that I’d breastfeed as long as I could, and that we’d use baby led weaning when the time came. We knew which daycare waiting list we’d apply for, and how I’d manage going back to work with a baby in tow. There was nothing to look up! The only topic I had to learn more about was the VBAC (vaginal birth after C-section) I wanted to have, and I’d pretty much exhausted all those resources after a couple of weeks. Then… ta-da! Twins! For my next trick I’d be giving birth to two babies instead of one, and I thought, amazing! Finally something new to read about and obsess over!! Except there’s not all that much to read about having twins. Most sites and apps have some info about multiples, but it’s sparing and you can tell that the majority of it wasn’t written by anyone who’s actually experienced it. There’s a lot of “you’ll probably have a few extra Dr visits”, “you’ll have to gain a bit more weight and you may be a bit more uncomfortable”, “your pregnancy symptoms may be a little more severe”, and my personal favourite: an article called “How having twins is actually easier than having one baby!” Bahahhahaha. Go home, internet, you’re drunk.

So I wanted to start documenting. The pregnancy, the birth, infancy, balancing a kindergartener’s needs on top of two new babies, all of it. What I’ve found most helpful are people’s first hand accounts (especially those who already had one or more pregnancies to compare it to) and I won’t be holding back on the details, so if reading the words ‘vaginal birth’, ‘cervix’, or ‘breastmilk’ make you uncomfortable, or you’re not up for an honest account of the good, the bad, and the ugly of motherhood then this may not be the blog for you. Which, I mean you probably figured out by now, but fair warning and all that.

I didn’t keep track of much during my last pregnancy, and it was 4 years ago so some of the details are a bit fuzzy, but there are already some definite differences between this time and last

Last time: I had the standard pregnancy nausea for the first 14 weeks or so, but it was more like all day car sickness that could usually be kept at bay with a pocketful of Ritz crackers, and (for some reason) frozen mango. I lost 10lbs in the 1st trimester. This time: The ‘morning sickness’ hit around 9 weeks and had me throwing up several times a day until 16 weeks. My usual snacks and ginger tea did nothing to help. Somehow my weight stayed put though.

Last time: I had three ultrasounds by the halfway point; the first two at 5 and 7 weeks because I was spotting and cramping, which thankfully was because of a large ovarian cyst and not anything pregnancy related. The third was the standard 19 week anatomy scan to check out all the internal organs, spine, etc, and to look for any birth defects. This time: I’ve had five ultrasounds already; one just to confirm that all was well at 8 weeks (and also when we got the whole ‘two baby combo package’ news), one at 10 weeks to check on a sub-chorionic hematoma on baby B’s placenta (a small bleed that usually resolves on it’s own and is pretty common, especially with twins), one at 14 weeks to give us the odds of the babies having Downs Syndrome or a life threatening genetic condition like a Trisomy (when there are three sets of a chromosome present instead of the normal two), another at 16 weeks because I was having stomach pain so bad that I thought it could be my appendix (diagnosis: making space for two babies to grow in your abdomen when you’re only 5ft. tall is fucking painful), and then of course the 19 week anatomy scan.

Last time: I was exhausted of course, especially in the first trimester, but since it was just me and Adam I could really just sleep whenever I wanted and when I wasn’t at work I was either in bed or on the couch with my trusty crackers and bowl of frozen mango. This time: Even though Adam is doing at least 90% of everything around the house, and I’ve already cut back a bit at work I am SO tired. Like, fall-asleep-on-the-hardwood-floor-while-doing-a-craft tired. That’s getting a bit better now that I’m in the second trimester, but I do get winded really easily and I find myself out of breath several times a day.

Last time: I worked full time until 36 weeks, and I only stopped then because it was the start of a new session and it didn’t make sense for me to take on a bunch of classes that someone else would have to take over when I had the baby. This time: I’ll work full time between my three jobs until Christmas break, and then I’ll be cutting 10.5 hours out of my gymnastics schedule. It’s already getting hard to work with the toddler groups I coach, especially lifting them, and by Saturday afternoon I’m usually in a lot of pain. I’ll be totally done working at the end of January when I hit 31 weeks, and I won’t lie, I’m counting down the days.

TLDR: Growing two babies instead of one is no joke. I’m lucky to be having a complication-free pregnancy so far, but even then it’s so much freaking harder than I could have expected.

You’re doing it, Peter!

Well I’ve been meaning to start this blog for a good decade now, but since I function at an Olympic level of procrastination, part of me is honestly surprised that it only took me this long. Nothing like finding out you’re pregnant with twins to give you a push to get things done! I’m not really a ‘wipe down all the baseboards and deep clean the carpet stairs’ kind of girl, so I think my preparation for the babies will be more along the lines of blogging, obsessively researching, and hopefully finishing a crocheted blanket for each of them before they make their appearance. Maybe this is my version of nesting?

If you don’t know me IRL… Hi! I’m Kaylan! I’m kind of a weirdo, but unapologetically so. For now this blog will mainly focus on my twin pregnancy, since that’s what’s occupying my brain about 22 hours a day; but I’m sure you can expect some DIY crafting, pop culture commentary and references, liberal politics, gymnastics, and theatre content. You’ll also be sure to hear about my adorable 4 year old (Luna), my amazingly supportive and incredibly handsome partner (Adam), and probably our cat (Penny) who we love, but who is also really annoying at 6am.

As far as introductions go, that’s all I’ve got; but here are some pictures so you can put faces to names and all that. Regularly scheduled programming will resume after this post. Whatever that turns out to be.