Today may be the day I give up wearing shirts around the house. Having anything touch the skin around my belly button is SO painful, and it’s not as though any of my shirts cover my stomach anyway at this point. I’m officially too big to wear any of the maternity clothes I wore at the end of my first pregnancy (actually as far as pants go, I just wore my regular high-waisted Lululemons right until the end… the thought of trying to pull those up over my belly is laughable this time), and it doesn’t seem to make sense to buy anything new, so I’m making due with the three maternity tees I bought from The Gap a few months ago (I’m a huge fan of their Blackout maternity leggings, and Pure Body maternity tees), and those I save for doctors appointments and trips to the grocery store. I do have a few dressier tops that still fit, but they aren’t really necessary or appropriate for my current sedentary lifestyle.
Omg the belly button pain. It actually feels like my skin might just rip right open if it has to stretch out any further. And yes I’ve been putting on lotion several times a day for about 6 months now, and I also drink a literal gallon of water everyday. I’m sitting with an icepack on it right now, and that feels freaking wonderful, but I don’t think it’s a viable long term solution.
Aaaand Luna just stole my ice pack because apparently her belly hurts too. She’s been mimicking the pregnancy a lot the past few days, which has been adorable. Until now. Now she’s the only thing standing between me and some semblance of comfort. Now I’d rather her go back to wanting nothing to do with my belly and complaining that it’s in her way.
I took it back and she’s crying real tears because “her belly with her babies needs it”, and apparently our smaller ice pack just won’t do. So that’s how my night’s going.
The pretending to be pregnant has been really sweet though. Yesterday she put her Anna and Elsa dolls in her shirt and held and rubbed her ‘belly’ all night, while explaining to her other toys that she’d be having two babies soon. She refused to change out of her shirt at bedtime because then her babies would “fall out” and they “weren’t ready to be borned” yet.
Now she says she needs my ice pack for her foot which has magically gotten hurt while sitting on the couch with me. Not a chance, kiddo.
Yesterday I finally got around to having my maternity pictures done with the incredibly talented Vicki at Centreline Design, and I can’t recommend her enough! She made me feel completely comfortable, and she knew exactly what she was doing. Vicki edited and posted a couple of images for me last night, and oh my goodness I love them! I didn’t have any professional pictures taken when I was expecting Lu, and I always regretted it. I love the way I look when I’m pregnant; I feel so much more confident and beautiful in such a natural way. I will wear things and post pictures of myself when very pregnant that I’d never dream of wearing or posting when I’m just my normal self. I also don’t have to think about sucking in my stomach, or planning my outfits to hide my self perceived imperfections, which is so freeing. This whole experience has just flown by, and I’m so happy I’ll have these pictures to look back on in the future.
And holy crap am I glad we did it yesterday and not a moment later. Today has been rough Everything is getting harder. You should probably expect me to say that again. And again. I keep thinking I’ve hit the wall with this pregnancy, and then the universe laughs and says “you know nothing Jon Snow” and it gets worse. Kind of like that time I thought I was so ready to get pregnant again and add another kid to our family. After all, my first pregnancy was relatively easy and I really enjoyed it. And our first kid was such a gem! So well behaved, and clever, surely we knew what we were doing, having one more would be a piece of cake. And the universe laughed, and laughed…
There’s the stretching of the skin of course, but in addition to my belly being extra sensitive, it’s also growing so quickly that I don’t have a handle on how far it sticks out so I keep bumping into the corners of tables and counter tops, and knocking my kid in the wall. Seriously, that last one has happened twice this week. I’ve got a mystery scratch on one side that’s so deep it was bleeding, but I can only see it in the mirror so I have no idea which collision it came from. The babies movements are starting to hurt, which really sucks. I’m not sure if it’s because my uterus is over-stretched and tender, or because they’re running out of space, or if it’s just par for the course when there are two whole other human beings living inside of you. I’m actually happy now that their placentas are across the front, I can’t imagine how much more I’d be feeling if there wasn’t that extra barrier between them and my skin.
I’m also having painful contractions throughout the day and night, which puts me on edge every time because is labour starting? Do I need to start timing? Where’s my phone? Why won’t the timing app open? Never mind, my belly isn’t even hard. Then why does it hurt? Is it placental abruption? Never mind, now it’s all tense. Shit, maybe I should have timed it.
I’ve given up calling them Braxton Hicks, because these are for real. The pain wraps around to my back, and I’m still getting stabby pains in my cervix that take my breath away. It’s definitely something, just not labour quite yet.
But it could be! Because we have officially beat the odds! As I’ve said a dozen times already, I’m sure, 50% of twins are born before 36 weeks, and we hit that milestone today!! If I can keep these babies gestating for another 6 days, they won’t even be considered premature anymore, which would be so amazing. Even if they were to come in the next few days there’s a real chance that they could room-in with me at the hospital and that we could all come home together, with no NICU stay or time away from each other.
This week our Dr. will check to see if I’ve started dilating at all, and if I have, they’ll start doing cervical sweeps (where they try to gently separate baby A’s amniotic sac from my cervix, which can kick start the hormones needed to get labour going). I’ve heard it’s painful, and it won’t do anything if my body isn’t ready to go into labour, but my doctors and I agree that anything we can do to get me to go into labour naturally is worth it. Since our ultimate goal is a VBAC, the fewer induction methods we rely on, the better, since they tend to have a snowball effect.
For instance if I need Pitocin to get contractions started, then I’ll have to wear a heart rate monitor for each baby during my entire labour. This would limit my freedom of movement, and would mean more nurses coming in and out to fix the monitors when they eventually shift. Pitocin also throws you straight into intense, painful contractions without the gradual build up you have with naturally occurring labour. This leads to a higher rate of epidural use, and can cause the babies’ heart rates to drop. All of these things increase the chances of needing a c-section.
But. Regardless of how labour ends up going down, I feel so much more prepared for every outcome this time. I’ll do everything within my power to deliver these babies naturally, and I will be really upset if that doesn’t happen because I’m not planning on having any more children… but at least this time I know what to expect with a c-section, and the policies at the Peterborough hospital are so much better. When Luna was born I didn’t get to hold her until she was two hours old. With the twins I can hold them as soon as I’m closed up, and Adam will be waiting with them in the next room. The nurses will help me to nurse them immediately, whereas with Luna it was over 3 hours before that became a priority, and by then she was too drowsy to latch. I’ll also have access to lactation consultants in the hospital who have experience with multiples and who will make sure I’m comfortable with nursing both babies before I’m discharged.
And the babies are doing so, so well. At our last ultrasound they were estimated at 4lbs 14oz (baby A), and 5lbs 8oz (baby B), which a full pound of growth each in two weeks and the perfect amount for each of them. This week they should be around 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 pounds respectively, and we’ve seen them practicing their breathing, sucking, and swallowing skills which are three of the main things they need to be able to do at birth. The only other thing is being able to keep their body temperatures and blood sugar levels regulated on their own, and their weights suggest that shouldn’t be a problem.
So I’m worried, and I’m anxious, and I’m afraid of what labour will be like. I’m terrified that my postpartum depression will come back, and oh my god I am so scared about Luna feeling left out or unimportant in any way… but I’m also excited. I am so damn excited to meet these two little souls that have been growing inside of me. To see what colour their eyes are, and let them hold my finger with their whole hand; to sing to them and hope they recognize my lullabies; to hold them on my chest while they sleep, and smell that delicious new baby smell.
There are two people about to be on this earth who only exist because Adam and I love each other, and wanted to add another awesome little being to our family.
And also because we drank a lot of beer during the World Cup semi-finals while we were in England, and were somehow given a two-for-one special when I distinctly remember only requesting the one healthy baby.
From Three to Five 